Dear Ex

Written by

How are you?  I hope you are doing good. No! I hope you choke on a potato and die. Okay, I am just kidding, but seriously I really do hope you are doing good.

I know you are probably wondering why I am writing to you. Who would anyone even think to write to their Ex?  Don't I have other important things to do? I will tell you why.  And yes. This is important to me.

I am writing to you because I have searched myself and I have realized that I need to make peace.  Peace with myself, peace with the universe.  I need to make peace. With - you. You do not have to frown when you hear my name. I do not have to clap when you fall.  It does not have to be that way.  It should not be that way.

How is me writing to you going to bring me peace? What has it got to do with you?  I can find my peace elsewhere. Why do I have to go through all the trouble? You may ask. You are right to have all these sorts of questions. Anyone would wonder why. Actually I am really hoping it brings both of us peace of mind.

In my pursuit of peace I realized that as the Bible says in Romans 12:2 - Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. - That part, ‘…by the renewing of your mind’ then hit me! I had to look at things from a different perspective. I had to renew my mind by looking at everything that has happened in my life as a lesson, as planned, as something which had to happen in order to make me who I am today. As the will of God.  That it was all in line with my destiny. And even if it was not in line, the Bible still says that even what the enemy means for evil, the Lord turns it for our good, and for his glory.

How is it possible to hate someone you once were in love with, with so much passion? Is it right?  Is it okay to live that way?  Isn't it depressing?  Carrying all that hate around?

Thank you!

So today, dear Ex, I want to thank you.  I want to thank you because there is something I have learn't from you. You were placed on my path for a reason and it was up to me, to learn. I came to understand that there's is always a lesson to learn from any situation life places on our path.

Thank you that you taught me how to be selfless, how to put others before me, how to sacrifice. How to love. Because when people are in love, that is what they do.  Thank you for teaching me how to smile,  for making me have butterflies,  for making me feel so special,  for making me shed tears of joy.

Thank you for making me know sorrow,  jealousy,  envy, anger,  guilt, frustration,  thank you for the tears that I shed on my pillow every night because of you,  for the sorrow that I drowned in whenever we had fight. They always say "what does not kill you, makes you stronger, that you will never appreciate light unless you have known darkness. Wait, No! I don't mean that you were darkness in my life, I mean, you know... You know what I mean. Thank you.

Heartbroken

I am sorry for breaking your heart, for destroying the beautiful thing we had, for every wrong I was willing, and unwilling to confess to. I am sorry I said that you are not a good dancer, you are the best dancer I know, I was just jealous that you dance better than me. Do not give up on your dreams. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. And if in any way you feel like, YOU should be the one apologizing to ME, like you are the one who was on the wrong, then I forgive you.  And I forgive you completely. We may never see eye to eye, but I hope you understand where I am coming from.

I pray that you quit over-thinking, replaying failed scenarios, that you quit seeing the good in others but yourself. I pray that you love yourself and wear your scars with pride because they have a beautiful story to tell.  A story of victory, how you overcame, how you healed. How you conquered.

I now understand that a broken heart is a heart that has loved, a heart that is strong. A heart that is beautiful. Because for people to put themselves out there like that, selflessly, it takes courage. A lot of courage.

I wish you success and happiness. I wish you love and joy, I wish you all the best that the universe can offer you, I wish you prosperity and a long life - and above all, I wish you peace.

Game Over

 


Proscovia Alando

 

 

  • Commonwealth Shared Scholar 2018-19
  • University of Stirling - Institute of Aquaculture.

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